Treading Water; an Interview with God

“Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven.”
–William Shakespeare

Life Its Ownself caught up with God as he was enjoying a Partagas #1 in a back room at the Palm in downtown DC. Dressed in his ethereal best, with a gauzy look like Ingrid Bergman in “Casablanca,” the big Guy said he only liked the Palm when the lobbyists weren’t around. “If I had created them first wouldn’t have needed snakes.”

The last time we spoke to God we were seeking an opinion on the film Noah. With this week’s global meeting on climate change we felt it was time to have another chat.

Life Its Ownself:

Thanks for joining us. How have you been?

God:

All right I suppose. I know you want to talk about climate change and we will, but first: Really! Another mass shooting? When I gave you humans the ability to be self-aware to think and to create I never had automatic weapons in mind. I also never expected you idiots to allow your fellow humans to kill wantonly, abundantly. Fuck the second amendment and the Supreme Court too; get rid of the guns for Christ’s sake (Sorry Son).
Where were we?

Life Its Ownself:

Climate change. I imagine you have a message for the world leaders who will be talking about global warming in Paris.

God:

Right. Here’s the deal. You’ve been talking about doing something to stop global warming for twenty years. Time is running out.

Life Its Ownself:

I don’t want to be disrespectful but there are still a lot of people who don’t believe it’s real. There are even those who are convinced “global warming,” is a hoax. What do you say to them?

God:

Most of you humans think I’ve got it easy being all powerful and all. But I gotta tell you I get weary sometimes. You folks make me tired. Climate change is one of those problems that should have been solved a long time ago. I mean this meeting has set a goal to stop increases in warming above 2 degrees Celsius. Why does it take a week?*

*Editors note: God is not a scientist he has people that take care of that. That means real scientists with advanced degrees who have conducted major research, and have published dozens of peer reviewed papers in scientific journals; not hacks bought and paid for by the oil & gas industry; or random dudes who post climate change denial nonsense and try to claim there is nothing to worry about.

Life Its Ownself:

Got it. So what does the science say?

God:

It’s getting hotter for Christ’s sake! (Sorry again Son). Corrected for errors temperatures have gone up about 0.3 to 0.6 Celsius during the last 150 years. Since 1975 temperatures are shooting up faster than for any previous period of the same length of time.

Life Its Ownself:

And this is melting glaciers and ice sheets?

God:

Even if the goal of 2C is met, sea levels may still rise rise at least 6 meters (20 feet) above their current heights. Now that I’ve retired to the east coast of North Carolina I’m going to see to it that world governments get it in gear. If you haven’t seen it yet check out glaciers collapsing into the sea for yourself.

Life Its Ownself:

But, how do you account for all those on the other side who argue that global warming is being exaggerated and is the result of a worldwide conspiracy?

God:

Do I really have to respond to that? Do you have any idea what it would take to mount such a conspiracy? Please.

Life Its Own Self

Any final thoughts?

God:

I mean how many meetings do you people need to have before you get the message.

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Visit photographer Gary Braasch’s web site to see additional visual proof of climate change.

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